Feeling Rested

These past 3 weeks have been difficult and I completely shut down during them. I was stressed and overwhelmed because there was a potential for me to lose my job, then my car died, and this was on top of the usual holiday stress and grief from our second Christmas without my sister. I just couldn’t deal with it all. I cried every day for a week. It just seemed like everything was crashing down around me all at once and there was nothing I could do about any of it but try and smile through. It was Christmas after all and who isn’t happy at Christmas? Anyway, it somewhat worked out, at least with my job. I got the paperwork I needed approved to continue working. My car is still dead though, needs a new engine and I can’t afford that so I have to buy a new car which I also can’t really afford. So further into debt I go.

Back to the matter at hand, I let these emotions get the better of me. I let them take over my mind and that caused me to stop working towards my goals. It prevented me from working my business. Instead of facing things had on I just used books and TV to escape. This is something that happens to me fairly often. Instead of dealing with my emotions and talking about things I just kind of shut down and pretend that everything is ok but I stop participating in life the way that I should be. I’m there but its only surface level. And then I got sick on Monday and it was another excuse to shut off from the world. So I’ve been living in a haze of sorts for the past few weeks.

This week, Wednesday to be exact, I finally started to come out of it. It was like suddenly the film was pulled back from my eyes and I could see things clearly again. I could see the beauty around me and feel love and hope and excitement again. I got excited about buying a car instead of overwhelmed or apathetic. I got excited to start posting about my business again instead of dreading making content and reaching out to people. I got on a call with the women in my group (which I haven’t done in weeks) and I felt empowered instead of scared and doubtful. My world felt like it was collapsing around me for a while and maybe it was the energy of the planet these last few weeks with the new moon and the new year and all that but I feel like I am finally pulling myself free of some toxic bullshit that was keeping me in the same emotional cycles. I’m ready to start this journey of real growth and personal development, of aligning myself with my higher self and my purpose here. I didn’t feel ready before now, but I think that brief period of hibernation where I really pulled back from everything (I was barely on social media too, no posting and minimal scrolling. I just didn’t have the mental energy for any of it), has helped shift my energies to a more positive space.

I’m going to be taking it slow though, be patient with myself because this is not something that I usually can do. Staying disciplined will be the hardest thing for me, but it’s time to start holding myself accountable.

With all the light and love,

Alyse