Part 2, The Healing Journey

Last weekend I journaled and meditated on how I was feeling the week before as mentioned in my previous blog post. I don’t have my journal with me as I write this, but I am going to explain what I did to help me better understand my emotions and heal things that needed to be healed. Just to recap I was feeling a little at odds with myself. I was anxious and insecure, I felt like an outsider and like I wanted to be seen and heard but also wanted to run away from it all. It was kind of hard to process these emotions, each one kept vying for my attention and ended up making me feel worse. All in all, it was a weird week of feeling insecure and anxious.

On Sunday, I put aside some time for journaling and meditation. I set myself up in our spare room by myself, I lit some incense, opened the window, put on some meditation music and the sat down with my journal. I wrote out all the emotions I was overwhelmed by and just kind of let the words flow out of me. As I wrote, ideas came to me about where these emotions could be coming from. Emotional injuries inflicted on me as a child, generational trauma that I have seen throughout my mother’s side of the family, things I did when I was younger that I was ashamed of or felt guilty about. I just let this pour out of me. sometimes I didn’t even write in full sentences, every thought and emotion I had was put down into that journal.

After this I felt a little relieved of the burden, I was carrying but I knew that there where still some steps to take. Forgiveness, especially of oneself, was a running theme that I had come across multiple times that week, so I took that to heart and started my meditation with that being my intention. The first thing I did was ground myself and activate my light body and then I turned inward. I went into the window of my soul through my heart with the intention of seeing my inner child and my younger self. During this inner journey I picture myself coming out of my body and then opening a portal in my chest where my heart chakra is. Then, I go down these steps into this beautiful meadow with clear blue skies and warm sun shining. The last time I did this I went into the nearby woods and met by inner child and higher self by a fire, but this time my inner child was waiting for me in the meadow. When I meet with her, I always start by holding and soothing her, and then I bring up whatever action or inaction is the root cause of whatever I’m feeling. I try to explain to her potential reasons behind it and let her know that it didn’t mean that she was loved or valued any less because of it. Next, I came to my younger self, Alyse aged 21-26, and I did the same with her. I Embraced her, told her I understood why she did certain things. I told her not to be ashamed of what she did then, she was coping in the best way she knew how, she was doing her best and I forgave her for all of it. I acknowledged all of it, shown light on those dark corners of my soul, and accepted it. I told her that she deserved better that what she had received and that she had always been worth loving.

Next, I came back through the window of my soul, closed the door behind me and looked to the generational trauma. I am not quite as clear on how to heal this, but I just thought on how the women on my mother’s side of the family treat each other. I thought about all our relationships with each other and how her side of the family has a hard time supporting one another and seeing the good in each other. We have this tendency to judge each other harshly and make sure it is brought to their attention under the guise of wanting what is best for them. We also have this way of making each other feel like its not ok to be ourselves, a backhanded compliment here, a whisper and a glance there. I also thought about how this was just how everyone were brought up and how it goes back far deeper than I know or can see. While I was meditating on this I started thinking of my mother’s great-grandmother, who I have never met. I pictured her there and she had this look about her like she was sad, and I took my hands in hers and told her that I would heal this. I told her I forgave her for any part she had in it and that I wouldn’t let it continue. She looked relieved to know that there was someone here working to heal this generational trauma. After this I slowly came back to myself, refocused on my breathing, and came out of the meditation. I journaled some more after that, wrote down anything that came to me during the meditation and how I was feeling about everything now. Let me tell you I felt much better. I was happier, lighter, and calmer.

After my journaling session I put on some relaxing music and started painting. I haven’t painted in ages. I’ve never been particularly good at painting, but I just felt really called to do something creative that would bring joy to my inner child. So I painted, for an hour or two and my significant other came in and painted with me and it was just a really nice way to close the meditation/journaling session for me. I also bought more painted and stuff so I could continue to paint whenever the mood strikes me. All in all, I think it was a successful healing session. I have felt great since then, calm, even moods and just enjoying the things around me and not stressing the small stuff. I just feel good. Its so nice to release things that you didn’t realize were holding you down and that may not have even been your own.

If you are someone that is new to meditation and spiritual work or even that thinks it’s a load of crap, I suggest that you just try it out. Do some guided meditations that release negative energy and emotions, or just do some breathwork or sit in stillness with yourself and see the difference it can make. It doesn’t have to be this huge inner journey meditation. It can be whatever works best for you. There are tons of free guided meditations out there, ranging from journeys to meet your higher self to just sitting in silence focusing on your breathing. It doesn’t matter if you are “good” at it, or have never done it before, we have all had to start somewhere, and if falling asleep while you do a body scan in the middle of a classroom full of teenage girls is where you start then we have something in common. Either way I highly suggest trying a meditation practice out if you don’t already have one.

Let me know if this was helpful to you, or your own experiences with meditations and healing in the comments or shoot me a message on Instagram.

With all the light and love,

Alyse